So Shakes My Single State of Man
by SqueakKills
Summary: Not exactly sure where this is going as of right now. NaruSasu;SasuNaru AU, angsty, bound to be rated M by completion. Sasuke comes back to find Naruto wasting away and is determined to set him right. Naruto has different plans.
1. Prologue: Sasuke Days

There was something inside of him that often wracked his peace of mind, his "single-state of man" as Macbeth would have put it. He had always been considered different by his classmates throughout high school, and consistently considered different even now. He was 18 and had no intention of pursuing college, which had left him in an awkward, impoverished place. His tiny apartment was nuzzled between two other dirty looking complexes in a slum that just nicked the outside of the general hub of the city. His calling had been places with lots of people, where he could blend in and live and sometimes work in order to survive. He had reached a dead end, and was in dire need of an old friend, all of which he had lost contact with when they moved on to college and had become success stories. That was just like Naruto...Always falling behind. He had spirit, guts, and plenty of anguish to give an actual adult a run for their money. He would do great things some day...But as of now, he was hungry, tired, and dirty, and didn't much look like a person who would ever do anything particularly great. Uzumaki Naruto sat heavily on a curb with a grumble in his stomach, and not enough money to pay for a meager portion of instant cup ramen.

His thoughts often drifted back to a person who had long since disappeared on gray days like these. Uchiha Sasuke, a smug, raven-haired prodigy, whose name tag came with the strained hate/love relationship the two had developed at about 12. Sasuke embodied rainy, mediocre, hungry days. Naruto had even gone so far as to call them "Sasuke Days," which just ended up making him more miserable because he everything happened to remind him of Uchiha, and had started to avoid even emerging from his house for fear of remembering..well../him/.  
Naruto had one fair-weather friend named Gaara, who moped around on street-corners with a ring in his nose and a guitar that blended perfectly with the blood-orange of his unnatural hair. They got together when they could, on the days when the electricity went out, if they were bored, if it was a nice day and Naruto needed a frisbee partner. Naruto obviously called those days "Gaara Days," and they were significantly better than the rest.

And some days Naruto was a different person. He had a complex, obviously, some sort of bi-polar mania that he'd never really been able to sort out for lack of parents. Naruto called those days "Kyuubi days," and they stretched on in long and painful bursts. No one wanted to be near, even in the general vicinity of Naruto on a Kyuubi day, called such because Naruto reportedly 'felt strange...almost like an animal. A fox, even.'

The convenient store that Naruto was currently loitering at was owned by a large, white-haired old man named Jiraya. Other than Gaara, the man was the closest thing Naruto had to a friend. It was as if the boy had spent a lifetime of building bridges and bonds only to have them destroyed because he made the decision not to go to college like everyone else. The old pervert was behind the counter all day reading dirty magazines and offering advice. He had even treated Naruto to ramen once, and always gave him free cigarettes.

A droplet of rain wet the tip of Naruto's nose, slightly doused with freckles. His cheeks were each marred by three thin scars on each side. Apparently he had inflicted them on himself when he was very young, probably on a Kyuubi day before he had a name for it. Naruto had eyes that could melt even the hardest of hearts. They were big and blue, akin to the ocean and permanently doleful like a widow constantly in mourning. His shirt was oversized and white, and his pants were so tight they could have been spray-painted on in a garish, visceral shade of orange. His canvas shoes were white (stained brown with dirt) and laceless, and there was a neat little hole in each where his big toe had rubbed through, revealing worn orange socks. There was a strange design on the back of his shirt, as well as most of his clothing, a simple spiral and that was it. Around his strong, tanned neck he had tied an orange bandanna, and his ears were heavy with piercings, along with a small ring in the center of his lower lip.

He could feel his cancer sticks getting wet and soggy in his pocket, but he didn't move. The rain was warm, and he got his early demise free from Jiraya anyway.


	2. Chapter 1: Drowning in Dreams

It had been four years and Naruto was stuck. He felt blind and hungry, but his calling had finally made itself clear. He painted, to put it simply, beautiful works that conveyed every tangible emotion that he had ever felt. People liked them, they had bought them, eaten him dry and asked for more, and now he was smothered. There was nothing left in him that he could paint, let alone sell any attempt he had made recently putting brush to canvas. Most of his works were a flurry of red, orange and yellow, and the last one he had sold had gone for the most. Someone had bought the painting for 500 dollars, and they had hailed him as one of the best artists...no, creators...he had seen in a long time. The creature depicted was a large, manic fox. It had large, black lips wet with thick saliva, dripping from yellow, hungry fangs that were parted to reveal a slick, fearsome tongue. The body of the fox seemed to be doused in a harsh, crackling flame, suffocating it and swallowing it whole. It seemed as though the fox was reveling in it's own masochistic murder, bits of skin hanging from each strong, muscular limb as they were burned off by the surprisingly life-like fire, blood cascading from each new wound that it had made for itself. Each paw was lined with fearsome, black talons, and the eyes were yellow and blood shot, straining hard as if to jump directly from the sockets and cascade, dead, to the floor. He had titled the painting Kyuubi no Youko, which, in english, translated to Nine-Tailed Demon Fox.

Since the episode that had given birth to that painting, Uzumaki Naruto found that he had nothing left. Nothing that he could sell, anyway. There was a small stack of personal paintings that he kept locked in the closet in his small apartment. These paintings were blue, cool, and shallow, occasionally sprinkled with a calm red or a tunnel-like black. Naruto hated looking at them, but couldn't bare to give them away. His soul was attached to these paintings, as well as the certain person pictured in them.

He was now 22 years old, still young, but steadily climbing the ladder to old age, which made him even more depressed and, to be frank, lonely. He had taken to going out to the local bar most nights and destroying himself there, drinking until he vomited and then fell asleep. Hangovers were so common for him he rarely ever awoke in the morning (or 2 o'clock in the afternoon, as mornings went for him), without a rather prominent headache. On Kyuubi days Naruto had no choice but to split his own skin and stare quietly at the blood that pooled there. Kyuubi days had become much more frequent since Gaara had left him after an awkward sexual confrontation that Naruto never wanted to repeat. Feeling desperate and alone, Naruto crawled into his usual stool at the bar and settled in for a night of drinking, fights, and cigarettes. Already high, and mildly drunk off of the heavy fumes, the blonde asked for his usual.

"Okay, Fox-face."

Naruto grinned cheekily at the affectionate pet-name. Through any troubled time the young man seemed to be able to scrape a smile from someplace deep within his charred heart.

"Oh, Fox-Face. There was someone here about an hour ago. Tall, dark-looking feller, he asked for someone that fit your description. Especially those little whiskers you got there, he mentioned those."

Naruto lifted his head, swallowing heavily.

"I don't know what you're talking about. They probably meant someone else. I don't get why anyone would come looking for me." Naruto's smile had faded and he downed the strange concoction in front of him without remorse.

"You sure? He described you pretty well. Blonde hair. Scars on his face, blue eyes, likes to wear, I think he said, 'the ugliest shades of orange'."

Naruto grunted in response but didn't reply. He simply asked for another drink and immersed himself in it, choking down every vile bit until his throat burned, all the while thinking about Sasuke, about what he'd done to him. If he could see him now? That teme would laugh and spit in his face.

He drank until his vision blurred and he was drowning in his own dreams.


	3. Chapter 2: Savior

**Author's Note: **

i haven't said anything about this story at all so far so i'll fill in whoever has taken an interest in it. the title is an allusion to macbeth, but the story really doesn't have much anything to do with it. i might throw in some more literary connections that all of you can make just for fun. whoever can guess what comes from where wins...A FREE CAR!!11

jk i'm not oprah.

anyway, all of this is unedited. if you've read my other stories you'll realize i positively despiiiiise editing, just because i like things DONE. if someone else wants to edit them for me, let me know! 8D

this is rated M for a reason, it's just not made itself known yet. oh, and **warninggg: graphic description of vomit. YAY!** if you think that will gross you out, don't read. ; oh, and i should add a

**DISCLAIMER: **all kishi's characters. all not really that gay. (even though they should be).

keep reading and reviewing!

-Squeak

--

It was late.

Naruto stumbled, trembling, up the stone stoop in front of his broken looking apartment, swallowing heavily. He felt the hot sting of vomit in his throat, making an idle, gurgling sound as he fumbled desperately for his key. In the back of his mind he remembered that the rent was due sunday, a measly 100 dollars that he couldn't provide. The land lady would hang him for his worthlessness, and probably evict him. He'd been evicted before, and didn't mind the thought so much, but that was probably because he was drunk out of his mind and about to be sick. His search for his key was fruitless, when he fuzzily realized that he left them on the counter next to his towering array of bottles, which any normal man would have been astounded by, considering how small he looked. Unable to stand any longer, he smacked the back of his head against the peeling door and sunk down to a sitting position. Taking a few deep breaths, he wrapped his arms around his knees and let his head hang in mourning. It took his drunk mind a few moments to realize he was crying, warm, wet tears that spilled from his aquamarine eyes and dripped slowly and methodically from his chin.

What a Sasuke day it had been.

He had been sobbing there for fifteen, long, hateful minutes. The air had grown cold and he could see his own breath, which only added to the general haze of things. For a moment he thought he saw something; A figure, shrouded in shadow, leaning calmly against a broken lamppost.

"S-Sasuke?"

On closer inspection, there was nothing there. His mind was too slow and groggy to keep up with certain colors and images that seemed to all of sudden materialize in front of him. He had forgotten where he was, grew dizzy, and vomited down his front, the gray and pink acidic chunks splattering on the cold cement and between his legs, catching on his ankles and his shoes. Thick strings of saliva drooled heavily from his lips and stuck to the tattered neck-line of his shirt. His retching echoed down the long, dark street.

A light flickered somewhere in the distance, and a car door slammed. Naruto payed it no mind and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting heavily with exertion. The cold made him tremble, but throwing up had made him feel better. Ready for another onslaught of dry heaving, he rolled over onto his hands and knees, not minding that he was kneeling in a pool of his own drunken excrement, only focusing on the task at hand. He could feel his diaphragm twitching as a series of heavy gags emerged from his clogged throat. He vomited again.

"Yo, Dobe."

He lifted his head, which felt like it was weighted down by an invisible body perched on top of it, and his teary eyes widened. Those two, deadly words seemed to pierce his throbbing heart like thin, painful needles. Afraid to move, and afraid to look, he choked out the name again.

"Sasuke."

It wasn't a question this time, but a statement. He heard the other rustle slightly as he moved, and listened to his feet softly take each stair, puncturing Naruto's pretty little silence that had before been marred only by his own heavy breathing. Nothing was said between the two, and Naruto's crying optics had focused themselves on the pair of high tops hardly a foot away from his face.

He felt familiar fingers grab his wrist and pull hard. Barely able to stand, he followed the insistent tugging until he was on his feet, wobbling hesitantly. He finally looked.

In the gentle glow of the yellow street lights, it was obviously him. Naruto felt two, tunnel black eyes survey him with a quiet, mocking grace, heavily lidded with long, dark lashes that matched the color of his hair. It had grown, but was still sculpted in the same shape, long in the front and shorter in the back, fluffy like a duck's ass, but soft and straight where it framed his expressionless face. He was still much paler than Naruto, but his porcelain skin seemed to glow in the stark light of a clouded crescent moon. He was dressed in black. A simple half-sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans that were splattered with paint, obviously not his work clothes, but possibly what he wore day to day. Naruto didn't dwell on it for too long, since Sasuke interrupted his thoughts with a brash, irate comment.

"How do we get in?"

He indicated Naruto's grungy little apartment building, made of aging brick that had an overgrowth of vines crawling like snakes up the creaking sides.

"Key," Naruto replied sluggishly, partially because he was so shocked that Sasuke had simply appeared, but mostly because he was too drunk to know the difference. "I left the key."

Sasuke snarled in a hostile, irritated manner before pushing past the blond and pressing the cracked doorbell. It was a few moments before a sleepy looking woman with extremely large breasts opened the door, rubbing her old-looking eyes. She stared for a moment at Sasuke, clearly confused as to who he was, but then glanced at the pathetic boy he was struggling to hold up and seemed to take pity.

"Naruto? I'll let you in."

She stood back and let Sasuke man-handle Naruto like he was a sack in through the threshold. They followed her up two flights of groaning stairs, pausing frequently so Naruto could catch his breath and heave, and she unlocked his door with a set of brass keys on a large ring.

"Thank you..." Sasuke paused, the questioning silence clearly waiting for a name.

"Tsunade," she answered curtly, and then disappeared down the stairs again.

Naruto turned his head towards Sasuke, his arm slung wanton around his slender shoulders, barely able to open his eyes.

"Sasuke-teme."

The boy with the coal-black hair and passive gait slammed the door behind them.


	4. Chapter 3: Kyuubi Plays Pretend

**Warning: **Lemon. Hot yoweee secks.

**Disclaimer: **All Kishi's! Not mine. 8D

--

He awoke.

It was still dark, and he was curled up in his own bed. His headache hit him hard and he sat up abruptly, clutching his forehead with his right hand, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Ugh."

"You're awake."

The events of the previous night hit him like bricks, the truth of it infallible and unforgettable. Sasuke was back.

Naruto tuned his head towards the direction of Sasuke's milky, dark voice. He looked past the clothes strewn on the floor, the dishes on his nightstand, and finally /saw/ Uchiha Sasuke, half-bathed in moonlight from the window, eyes glittering with anger and concern. Naruto twitched at the expression, and felt a heat growing inside of him...Not his own anger, but "Kyuubi's". It felt physically dehabilitating, as if a large leech had positioned itself inside of him, nestled close to his heart. It consumed all of Naruto's own desires, to run over and hug Sasuke, to thank him for coming back, to tell him how much pain and hurt he had caused him, how thoughts of Sasuke had kept him going but had gradually, in their own way, ripped him apart. That was where Kyuubi stepped in. The other half of Naruto, a half he had always had and Sasuke knew well, emerged slowly, and with it, he lifted himself from the bed.

"You...You think it's okay to leave and not send any letters, not even a phone call for four years, and now this? You can't just show up and pretend that everything is okay, that you fucking ever meant anything to me. Sasuke, I hate you, I've always hated you, but I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop living one day at a time waiting for you to come back. Now that you're here, it's all ruined. I can't pretend anymore. I'll die."

His large, wet eyes seemed to shine a crimson red, but Sasuke was sure it was just a trick of the light.

"Dobe. You need rest."

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what I need!? Who do you think you are!? Baka."

It was in that brief pause Naruto lunged forward, grappling with Sasuke and sending his back against a wall. Sasuke struggled, but was unable to put up much of a fight...When Naruto got like this, he seemed indestructible. He wasn't human. Sasuke remained calm and listened to the blond's ragged breathing, hot against his ear.

"What were you thinking, leaving me here all alone, Sasuke-teme? You know I...loved you."

Sasuke flinched at the sting the words left, but that was all. His dark eyes focused on Naruto's blue ones. He had never seen so much anguish in an expression before. It was almost beautiful.

"I know," Sasuke replied, his voice unwavering and his face vapid. Naruto was about to explode. He yearned for something else from Sasuke, a smile, even a frown. Something. Anything.

His fingers tightened around Sasuke's shoulders and he moved closer, pressing himself tight against Sasuke and entangling a hand in his raven hair.

"Do you know what I want? Ne, Sasuke?" Naruto wasn't himself. He couldn't think or act of his own will anymore, no matter how much his own mind protested, and the leech continued to fester.

Sasuke looked mournfully into Naruto's doleful eyes and shuddered at a foreign hand caressing his hip. Sasuke's breathing had grown harsh, and he swallowed. He could feel Naruto's heart, thudding gently against his ribcage, as if it wanted to come out.

"I know."

There was a distinct pause before anything else happened, filled with harsh breathing and unspoken words. Another twinge of pain seized Naruto, and he pressed his lips against Sasuke's, because it seemed like the only remedy, the only thing that could possibly repair his suffering, everything he'd broken and been unable to fix himself. Sasuke responded, sharing reluctantly in Naruto's unwelcome sadness, and let the kiss escalate into something more furious. Naruto tugged on Sasuke's hair, exposing his soft neck, gently sucking on his collarbone and dragging his tongue in a long, wet line to Sasuke's prominent jaw.

It was as if the two were at war. Not so much with each other, but with themselves. Naruto couldn't stand what he had become, and Sasuke despised what he'd done to his blond counterpart. They were yin and yang, and it was easy to guess which was which, although neither embodied the stereotypical light and dark character. Naruto, a blinding sun with a stunning smile, had an evil side. This evil was just as brilliant, but scorched and consumed all innocence in it's path with a hot, tireless flame that could not be extinguished until everything was charred black. Sasuke, on the other hand, was a cool, dark blue. His evil was serenity, and his good was just as calm. Together, they were balanced. Apart, they were a terror to themselves.

Naruto used one hand to grab Sasuke by the waist, keeping the other firmly planted in his hair. He flung Sasuke viciously onto the bed, trudging through the mess he had accumulated on the floor, and pounced on him before the disgruntled and uncomfortably aroused Sasuke had time to move. He pinned the raven down by his wrists, surveying him for a moment. Sasuke's lips were wet, his face flushed, and beads of sweat had accumulated on his temples beneath his soft hair. Naruto couldn't control himself, seeing something he hated and loved at the same time finally succumbing to his every whim. He didn't know if he wanted this. It was heartbreaking.

He had gotten his 'something,' from Sasuke. The way Sasuke looked now was extremely different from his normal, permanently placid expression. Naruto's erection felt uncomfortable even in the boxers Sasuke had dressed him in. He dug his fingernails into Sasuke's hips, wanting him completely but nervous that Sasuke wasn't retaliating, wasn't fighting the angry, red welts that Naruto's nails had consequently left behind long after his hands had moved to address another part of Sasuke that looked even better than the first, if that were possible.

When Naruto removed his shirt Sasuke was surprised. Even though he had bathed him and clothed him and put him to bed, Naruto's muscles rippled in a manner so enticing it was hard to look away. The scars that Sasuke had discovered on Naruto's arms and shoulders had a certain appeal to them, glittering beneath his sweat like tiger stripes. Sasuke raised his pale hands to caress Naruto's ribs, running his fingers over Naruto's hard nipples, down to the soft, golden hair that curled beneath his belly-button and disappeared into waters Sasuke didn't dare tread yet.

Naruto, noticing that Sasuke's hands were free, quickly moved to regain control and sat heavily on his victim's abdomen. Looking for something to restrain Sasuke with, he spied his house-phone, attached to the base by a long, spiraling cord. He deftly wrapped Sasuke's wrists tight around the base of the headboard, a cold, metal bar that gave him goosebumps. Sasuke didn't resist. He didn't feel that he had the right to. Now he had to atone for his sins; the pain he had caused Naruto, and the ache in his heart at Naruto's willingness to crawl into his arms and shamelessly kiss him goodnight.

Naruto tugged down Sasuke's pants, and lifted up his shirt, unable to fully remove it since that would require binding his hands again, before pulling off his own boxers and tossing them to the floor. Naruto bit and kissed harshly down Sasuke's right side, before teasing the waist band of his boxers with his teeth. Naruto left dark, purpling marks.

Sasuke moaned.

Naruto had never heard that noise before, and it was enough to push him over the edge. He growled in response to Sasuke's moan and climbed off of the bed completely.

"Wait."

Naruto vanished into the bathroom, (his apartment only consisted of one room, two if you counted the bathroom and three if you counted where the carpet dissappated into the tile of the small, walk-in kitchen), and emerged with a small bottle that he had retained from his old friend, Gaara.

Sasuke's blush increased and he moved his head to look shyly out the window. Naruto climbed back onto the bed an positioned himself between Sasuke's legs. He ignored Sasuke's erection and focused on his own, slathering it with lube and pumping up and down once or twice with his slick fingers. He spread Sasuke's legs.

Sasuke moaned when Naruto's lips brushed against his arousal. He could feel Naruto's finger harshly probing him, and then another, until three of his fingers were filling him. He felt full and his hard-on was dripping, moaning in the understated manner that only Sasuke could.

Unable to hold back any longer, staring at Sasuke's pretty face and hearing those visceral moans that rose calmly from the back of his throat, Naruto removed his fingers and abruptly slid in. Sasuke shuddered and made a pained sound, but Naruto ignored it. Sasuke deserved it, being the cause of four years of inner emotional turmoil. He watched Sasuke writhe beneath him, eyes watering and chest heaving. Naruto started to thrust, ignoring Sasuke's pained little yelps and nailing him with a fervent, animalistic need.

Heat pooled in his stomach when Sasuke offered him deep, harried cries that could surely be heard through the paper-thin walls, along with Naruto's grunting and the methodic tapping of the headboard against the wall. The blond's fingers closed roughly around Sasuke's cock, thumb teasing the head and smearing lube and precum down his shaft. Sasuke spread his legs wider, allowing Naruto to penetrate as deeply as he could, slamming against his prostate and making him scream.

Looking down at Sasuke's face, his leanly muscled chest, hands resting on his sharp knees, Naruto was unable to see anything else but tearing this pretty little bird to bits. He came deep inside of Sasuke, letting his cum drip in a thin, white ribbon from Sasuke's orifice.

Leaving a tied up Sasuke to deal with his own erection, as well as a means of escape, Kyuubi-Naruto curled up against the other and fell fast asleep.


	5. Chapter 4: Bite Me

**Author's Note: **hai! i think i'm going to have at /least/ ten chapters. i've never written anything that long, but i think i can grapple with a deadline like that. if the story isn't finished by chapter ten, i'll keep going. if i don't get a few more reviews of people telling me to keep this up, i'll probably stop updating this for a while. as of now i've got a lot of ideas, so i want to keep going. when i run out, i'll stop. that's generally how it works. oh, and if the conversation below is confusing, i'm sorry! i just tried to make it so that the sasuke/naruto quarreling was as accurate as i thought it would be. it's really just a back and fourth. i'm pretty sure you'll get it though. thanks for reading!

-Squeak

--

"Naruto. Naruto! Dobe!"

Through his persistent snoring, Sasuke couldn't get a word in. His restraints had grown uncomfortable, and he had awoken from a fitful sleep. It was light outside now, the sun shining brightly through a promiscuous crack in the curtains.

He sighed heavily. Naruto's arm flopped over across his neck, constricting him like a dead-weight. He was able to wriggle enough to sink his teeth into the tan flesh of a set of unwary, vulnerable fingers.

"OW! SHIT."

Naruto had freaked out at the strange sensation, a sharp pain that disturbed his quiet slumber. His eyes sprung open and he sat up to nurse his hand. It was a moment before he saw a pair of feet, slender legs...and, well. The rest.

"Sasuke! Oh...Shit. Shit!"

Naruto scrambled to undo the cord around Sasuke's wrists, the phone's dial-tone having morphed to an irate series of beeps.

"I'm sorry Sasuke! I shouldn't have left you like that. I didn't know what I was thinking. I hardly even remember..."

Sasuke sat up, rubbing the dark red lines that encircled his pale wrists, groaning. Naruto had fallen silent. What had he done to him?

/No. It just wasn't like him. There was something else, or someone else, festering quietly in his head. Whatever it was, it had a mind of it's own./

Unable to convey his current thoughts to Sasuke, he made a series of choking noises and flopped back down onto his pillow, burying his face so he wouldn't see him crying...again.

Sasuke glanced at the naked lump collapsed on the pillow next to him, and then back to the garish wounds on his hips and abdomen. Shifting uncomfortably, he moved to wrap a rogue sheet around his lower half, feeling exposed.

Sasuke understood Naruto's predicament well, if only the bipolar part. However, this didn't prevent him from being hurt and frustrated, since he wasn't really all that angry about the experience last night. And it was one hell of an experience. At least not one Sasuke would regret any time soon, anyway. What he was upset about was the complete and utter mess he had found on the dirty, unkempt doorstep. That mess was Naruto, practically drowning in a pool of his own vomit, reeking heavily of the undeniable stench of alcohol. Naruto hadn't showered for at least two days, and scrubbing chunks of puke out of his greasy, blond hair wasn't what Sasuke would call fun. But what had pissed him off the most were those large, angry tears leaking helplessly from those big, blue eyes that had been ever-present in his mind the four years they had been apart. Naruto had bawled like a baby all night. After seeing Sasuke, the tears stopped only for a moment in pure shock, and then gushed in unstoppable torrents for an hour. While Sasuke removed Naruto's clothes, he cried. When he shoved him into the shower, he cried. When he dried him off, he cried. In the end it got a little irritating, but only because it was so painful to watch. Naruto had been a beacon of light for as long as Sasuke could remember, and seeing that that inner happiness had vanished and was reduced to a pile of wet, smoldering ash confused him so much that he was unable to procure any emotion in return but anger and defeat.

"Dobe, stop crying. I've had enough."

Naruto sniffled and choked back the monsoon of tears begging to be released. Unable to look at the other without exploding, he laid his head on the flat, old pillow beneath him, hiccoughing.

Sasuke swallowed and prepared himself for what he was about to do next. In a stiff motion he bent down and planted a small kiss on Naruto's salty cheek.

"Is that what you want, Naruto? Because I can give you more if it makes you happy."

It was silent for several minutes. Finally, the rustle of Naruto stirring to face Sasuke broke the achingly long silence. Sasuke's words had been hanging desperately in the air for far too long.

"Sasuke-teme, you can't fix everything like that."

"But I can fix you."

"You can't fix something too broken."

"You can fix anything if you try."

"You broke me."

"No I didn't."

"You left me."

"I had to."

"Why didn't you call?"

"You moved."

"Phone book?"

"You're not listed."

"Sasuke."

"Naruto?"

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"You want to...But you don't."

"How did you find me?"

"Sakura."

"How did she know?"

"You sent her a letter."

"Oh."

"You didn't send me a letter."

"You didn't want one."

"Sure I did."

"Sasuke, you don't want anything but books and pencils and all of that other boring stuff."

"Books...and pencils."

"Yeah, books and pencils. And calculators."

"You're fucking retarded."

"You hate me."

"No. You can't hate retarded people. It's socially unacceptable."

Naruto landed a swift, hard punch to the side of Sasuke's arm, and Sasuke chuckled at his own joke, dryly.

"Dobe, you hungry?"

"No."

"Bullshit."

"Yes."

"I'll take you to breakfast. What do you-"

"Pancakes."

"If I take you to breakfast, will you talk to me?"

"I am talking to you."

"/Actually/. You have to tell me what happened to you."

"Nothing happened."

"Naruto."

"Sasuke."

Their banter was getting old. Sasuke placed a wary hand on Naruto's shoulder, only to have it thwacked off abruptly.

"Breakfast, Naruto. Do you want it?"

"Yes."

"If I take you to Ihop, will you talk to me?"

There was a long pause.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 5: Of Love and Pancakes

A hot stack of pancakes had finally placated Naruto, at least five of them covered with strawberries, whipped cream, and maple syrup. Sasuke shifted in front of his own stack of pancakes warily, irritated because Naruto refused to talk until his pancakes came and he had crammed one after another in his mouth.

Finally taking a break to breathe, Naruto chugged half of his milk in one go and wiped the wetness and crumbs off of his lip. He stared haughtily at Sasuke, before nodding in his direction as a sort of signal that conveyed, /alright, you can talk now./

Sasuke cleared his throat. Naruto stared him down. It was a while before either of them spoke.

"Naruto."

"Yes."

"How long has this been going on? Do you even have a job? If you needed help, you could have just asked."

Naruto pondered the questions almost thoughtfully, since he rarely ever thought about anything other than Sasuke, and the fact that the object of his infatuation was treating him to pancakes merely slowed down the process by confusing him on a multitude of levels.

"How long has what been going on? Drinking? Smoking? I've been smoking cigarettes since the day you left. I was so miserable I didn't know what to do. I had to get you back. I even biked to the airport, but you had already left earlier that morning. And when I heard that fucking Orochimaru had seen you off I freaked out..."

Sasuke interjected while Naruto shoveled more pancake in his mouth.

"You biked to the airport?" he asked incredulously, his mouth slack with amazement. "That's an hour away by car! Not to mention you had to go on the highway...and the toll-booth? How-?"

"I'm not finished," Naruto spat haughtily, taking another swig of his milk like it was bacardi.

Sasuke fell silent and let Naruto continue.

"Drinking I didn't start until last year. Well, I drank at parties with Gaara, but I really started bingeing when I turned 21. Why? Well, I was depressed."

He trailed off for a moment, thinking deeply before continuing.

"Sasuke, there is something else inside me. Someone else. Do you ever feel that way? I get so angry it physically hurts me. Like a giant bug just latches onto my heart and won't let go. Do you get that?"

Sasuke shook his head, but his eyes reflected understanding. Seeing this, Naruto continued.

"Drinking made that go away. It made you go away."

He paused, taking another mouthful of food.

"And for a while, it was fucking awesome. There were girls who wanted me and boys who wanted me and parties to go to and shit to do. But I didn't want any of that. I wanted..."

"Ihop?" Sasuke said, smirking smugly at his cruel joke.

"Fuck no I didn't want Ihop, I wanted you."

"I knew that."

"Like hell you did. Anyway. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and I had no one to talk to. I needed an outlet. Did you know I can draw?"

"No."

"Neither did I! But I can! And I started selling my paintings, and my sketches, and people liked them. They bought them!"

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Okay, Mom."

Sasuke hid his smile, but Naruto caught it and grinned.

"Anyway," he said after swallowing, simply to be polite.

"People liked them. I made hundreds of dollars. But all of a sudden...I don't know...Everything in my head, ideas, creativity, it just seemed to crawl up and die. I only had two things left, and that was thoughts of you, and the other side of me."

Sasuke had let his head rest on his palm, elbow on the table in an almost rapt sort of attention. It was clear Naruto had a lot on his chest, and the boy had gotten a lot more complicated than he had been four years ago. He had levels now. A deeper meaning. Sasuke found it...well...Attractive. He was still brash and stupid...But now he was brash and stupid with purpose.

"The more I thought of you, the angrier I got, and the angrier I got, the more Kyuubi would come out. Kyuubi, that's what I call him. Me. Whatever it is. And the strange thing is, I know it's there. You know how insane people don't know they're insane? I'm perfectly aware of it. I don't remember everything, but I know who I am when I'm doing what Kyuubi-Naruto wants me to do. It's like he's just...lending me strength to do horrible things."

More pancake. Sasuke glanced at Naruto's plate as it dwindled. Sasuke had barely touched his food.

"Sasuke-teme, are you going to eat that?"

"No. Here."

He raven shoved his food across the table and Naruto dug in.

"You got chocolate chip!? Sasuke, you're fucking cute."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and affectively hid how much he liked the comment.

"Oh yeah. So I needed help, right? But I didn't know where to find you! Orochimaru is a fucking bastard, I called him up because I couldn't remember what school you went to. Like, fucking MIT or something, I don't even know. But he didn't tell me. He was all, 'Ssssasuke-kunn needsss to traiiinnnn hisss mind without sssssscertain dissstractionssss.' Distractions meaning me, obviously. I was so fucking angry. So I mailed Sakura, since I don't have a computer. I blew all my money on booze. And cigarettes are expensive! And I needed more art supplies..."

Sasuke felt the need to speak at that point, curiosity getting the better of him.

"More art supplies? But I thought you didn't paint anything after that..."

Naruto swallowed, thinking of then 10 plus pictures of Sasuke he had hoarded in his closet. He wondered if he should spill about them. Maybe Sasuke would like them? Even want to see them? Maybe he would love him then?

"I...I...Well, you know how I said there were two things in my head? I painted what I felt. What I thought. The last painting I sold was of Kyuubi me, as accurately as I could portray it. But the other paintings...They're...Well...Of you."

Feeling hot and embarrassed, Naruto busied himself with the rest of Sasuke's chocolate chip pancakes. He could feel Sasuke's eyes burning holes in his forehead.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Did you sell those?"

"Oh, fucking christ no. Not in a million years. If I sold them, it would be like selling you, and that's too hard. I can't give up memories. Well, you're not a memory anymore, considering you're sitting right fucking here and I'm so fucking happy, but...I never thought I'd see you again."

Those sad, blue eyes were staring at Sasuke again, studying his face, trying to memorize what it looked like now and comparing it to back then. How much he'd changed. How good he looked.

Sasuke's own gaze didn't falter as he was being meticulously poured over by his best friend...his lover, now? He didn't know what Naruto was to him and he was afraid to admit that he enjoyed his company. That he had missed having him around. That he wasn't even a little bit frightened by Naruto's obsession with him. He was flattered by it. And Sasuke would rather thoughts of him keeping Naruto alive than thoughts of Sakura, or any of the random girls it was apparent Naruto had fucked. This feeling, which terrified him, was a little twinge in the pit of his stomach called jealousy.

Naruto shook his head, regaining his train of thought.

"Anything else I missed?"

He chomped down on the last bit of pancake.

"Yeah," Sasuke replied, eyes narrowing. Naruto recoiled at the dark look. He hadn't seen that expression since...well, yesterday.

"What are those scars on your arms?"

Naruto choked. He had completely forgotten Sasuke had seen those, or even remembered that he'd presented an opportunity for the scars to be revealed.

"Naruto. Why?"

Sasuke was almost pleading with him. It was heartbreaking. Naruto clutched at his shirt nervously, even more confused by the new emotion Sasuke was portraying on his face. He had never seen Sasuke /beg/.

Naruto took a deep breath.

"When Kyuubi-Naruto takes over, the only way I can get myself back is either through drinking or through physical pain. It doesn't make sense, but that's just the way it works. Drinking makes me forget. Cutting makes me remember. I can either forget the Kyuubi, or remember myself. The thing is, drinking only drowns everything out temporarily. I'm still Kyuubi-Naruto, only a fuzzy, dumber version. I like remembering myself because I can choose. Knowing I still have a choice makes me feel better. I have a choice even when the leech in my chest has fucking broken my heart, and along with that, my mind."

Naruto scratched his yellow head.

"I'm sorry, I can't explain it any better."

Sasuke reached across the table and lifted up Naruto's sleeve without warning. The blond jerked away for an instant, but succumbed to Sasuke's wishes because, for once, he didn't want to upset him. Sasuke was showing some sort of emotion, (for him, even!), and Naruto didn't want to mess that up.

The scars on Naruto's shoulders and upper arm were brutal and ugly, but Sasuke's face remained benign as he inspected them. Remembering that they were at a restaurant, and a teenage boy with brown, spikey hair and green goggles was ogling them from two tables away, he sat back down.

Naruto looked up at him shyly.

"Naruto-"

"It's okay Sasuke, you don't have to say anything...I'm fine. I don't even want to ask questions. I'm just glad you're here."

"I'm glad. I'm not ready to answer your questions yet."

Naruto looked slightly hurt, but shook it off, smothering the mild sting with wry happiness. Sasuke was here.

And he had free pancakes.


	7. Chapter 6: How Much?

Everything was a mess. The clothes under Naruto's bed had been ripped out and strewn every where, medicine flung from the cabinets, the mattress completely removed and the sheets in a pile on the floor. But it wasn't Naruto's doing...at least this time.

Sasuke was doing a pretty excellent job of wrecking Naruto's meager abode. A large roach scuttled out from beneath the mattress, wondering where his home had gone. Disgusted, Sasuke crushed it with his bare foot, scraping the contents of the roach on the dirty rug.

Naruto was flitting around nervously behind him, asking him repeatedly to stop.

"Naruto! Where are they!?"

"Sasuke, I don't want you to see them. no one but me has ever seen them..."

"I want to see them. I'm entitled to it."

"Oh my god EW a bug."

"Naruto, where are they!"

"Dude, you just fucking crushed that with your bare foot, you're disgusting."

"You're disgusting for living here! Where are they!?"

"I'm not telling!"

But it was a small apartment with only two and a half-rooms, including the bathroom, and Sasuke was bound to stumble upon them. Soon Sasuke was examining the headboard of the bed. and he noticed that there was something behind it.

Quickly grabbing onto the headboard, he pulled as hard as he could. The instant there was enough room for a person to open the tiny closet, Naruto was pressed flat in front of it, screaming.

"SASUKE THESE ARE MINE AND I'LL BE SHITFACED IF YOU THINK YOU'RE ENTITLED TO ANY OF IT."

The room fell silent. Sasuke's face contorted. Naruto's words...hurt?

"I'm sorry.," he replied in a dejected voice. "I just wanted to see them."

Sasuke made his way over to the askew bed and sat on the corner of it, shoulders hunched in defeat.

Naruto made a noise as if to console him. He felt bad. The last thing he had ever wanted to do when Sasuke came back is actually hurt him, and it seemed that was all he did. Maybe Sasuke was entitled to see the paintings? If he hadn't come back, where would Naruto be now? And he wasn't leaving...yet. Naruto would see to that.

Naruto unlatched the door and crawled through on his hands and knees. Several spiders scuttled out of the way as he reached in and drew the paintings out one by one, stacking the canvases neatly on top of one another. All the paintings were the same general color scheme; blue, black, white, with hints of red.

All were of Sasuke. Some of them depicted Sasuke screaming. Others showed tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. There were two of him smiling. The last, and the largest painting, was a full length picture of his normal, stoic gaze, hands in his pockets and his head looking up drearily at a dark, starless sky.

Naruto didn't say anything, but disappeared into the bathroom and locking himself in, unable to take Sasuke's bland expression as he poured over the paintings of him /emoting, which is all Naruto had ever wanted. But in the end the blond always returned to the last picture, which explained Sasuke best, and made Naruto the most happy.

It was about fifteen minutes later Sasuke rapped gently on the door.

"Hngh?" Naruto responded blithely. He had been staring at himself in the mirror for some time now, thinking about how much he needed a cigarette or he would die. He had scrounged through the money in his pocket. Six dollars, his last bit of cash in the world, would be enough to satisfy his nicotine addiction. Jiraya had been making him pay lately. They were under new management.

"Naruto...Can I...buy one?"

There was a long silence on the other side of the door. Sasuke waited uncomfortably outside of the bathroom, holding two pictures in his hands, trying to decide which one he liked best. The one of him screaming he liked because Naruto had drawn himself in it, in the form of a pair of blue eyes in the lower left hand corner. The other one was Naruto's personal favorite, even though he didn't know it.

The door swung open, smashing into Sasuke's hip to reveal an elated Naruto with a large, blindingly dazzling smile on his face. He plowed into Sasuke, causing him to drop the paintings and flop backwards onto the floor with a heavy thud, Naruto wriggling like a new puppy on top of him.

"Sasuke, you really like them? Do you really? I'm so excited! Which one do you want! I'll give it to you!"

Sasuke was able to force out a sentence under Naruto's weight.

"I'd feel bad not paying you for it."

Naruto blinked in surprise and his wolfish grin returned.

"Really? Which one? Which one!"

"The biggest one. That one."

Naruto crawled off of him and made his way over to the painting on his hands and knees. His heart wrenched.

"This one is my favorite, Sasuke. I'd be more than happy to give it to you."

"Sell. You're not giving me anything. You don't owe me that much."

Sasuke had sat up, rubbing his head and his messy hair. Naruto sidled over to him. They sat next to each other in silence, both staring at the singular painting amidst a whole realm of Sasuke scattered about the apartment. Sasuke caught a hold of Naruto's chin when his heart and mind all but forced him to give Naruto a kiss. Their lips touched, gently at first, but then grew more intense, warm and wet, faces flushed. When they pulled apart, a bleary eyed Naruto offered a cheeky smile.

"400 dollars, Sasuke-kun."


	8. Chapter 7: Roaches and Roaches

**Author's Note: **sorry this chapter is so short. i'm going to update pretty soon though, with a longer, better one. i just wasn't sure where i was supposed to end this one, so i decided to stop with a sort-of half cliff hanger, but you can probably guess what naruto decides to do. hint: i like happy endings.

**WARNINGZZZ: **drug use. alcoholism. etc.

**Disclaimer: **Kishi's!! D8 DUH.

--

Naruto had his cigarette perfectly balanced off the edge of his lip. He had his garish orange jeans on again, and his holey shoes. He turned his large, aquamarine eyes towards Sasuke and gazed at him penetratingly as he approached.

Sasuke had awoken that morning at around 10 o' clock to find Naruto missing. Skin crawling at the thought of another roach in his bed, he had made the decision that it was time for him to leave. He'd been there for two days, which was much longer than he had expected, and couldn't waste anymore time. He had to get back home to his job and his life there.

But there was one, rather enormous problem.

The yellow haired boy with a lip ring and a knack for getting into trouble was waking and baking on his stoop. In his right hand he held a beer bottle and a cigarette, and in his left he held a rather large joint, (Sasuke assumed that he had scrounged up the last of his pot together...no way did he have enough money to go out and buy more...unless.)

"NARUTO."

"Ne, Sasuke?"

"Where the hell did you get that!?"

"Hngh."

"NARUTO."

"Quiet Sasuke! The old hag is going to get mad! We've been making a lot of noise lately." At that he wriggled his eyebrows at his extremely angry friend.

"Naruto. You better not have bought that with-"

"The money you gave me? Only 50 dollars of it. I mean, what else was I gonna spend it on?"

"Baka!" Sasuke grabbed the beer and the cigarette, but Naruto used an extreme evasive manuver to protect his precious weed.

"Oi, oi, Sasuke-teme! What's the matter?"

Sasuke broke the still burning cigarette in half and threw it onto the sidewalk. He sat down next to Naruto and his head flopped down into his hands. He pulled at his hair, extremely frustrated.

"Sasuke." Naruto's voice reflected hurt and confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Naruto, you're what's wrong! You stupid idiot, I don't know how you could get yourself into this shit, next thing I know I'll find a meth lab in your kitchen!"

Naruto placed his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and gently rubbed out the knots. Sasuke didn't move, so Naruto continued.

"There, there Sasuke-teme. I don't have a meth lab in my kitchen. Did you see the size of my apartment? I'd have to be crazy to try to make one in there...But if I had to I'd probably use the counter next to my little stove. That would actually be perfect, but I'd need to move the coffee maker..."

"Naruto!"

"Oh. Yeah. I don't do that shit, Sasuke. That's just stupid."

"But you're stupid."

"Asshole."

There was silence. Naruto took a hit and then blew out the smoke in several, tiny rings.

"Cool, right?"

"I guess."

"Listen, Sasuke. I know I have problems. Believe me. I know better than you. I know that coming home drunk and sitting in a pool of my own piss is bad."

"Really bad."

"Really fucking bad. But I...I can't help it. I don't have anything else that keeps me sane."

Sasuke looked at him steadily, feeling Naruto's fingers and thumb moving to rub out the tension in his other shoulder. Sasuke found himself pouring over the side of Naruto's face, how it looked, those three, long scratches, his small, upturned nose, the way his lashes hooded half of his eyes so he looked calm and sad. It was an emotion he had never seen Naruto convey.

"I know you want to go home, Sasuke."

The silence was unbearable.

"Naruto."

"Eh?"

"Come back with me."

Naruto choked on smoke.

"What?!"

"Come back with me."

"Asshole, you're crazy. I can't come back with you!"

"Why not, dumb shit?"

"Fuck you, because I live here!"

"Then say goodbye."

"What!?"

"I'm not leaving without you."

/Goodbye?/


	9. Chapter 8: The Seal Breaks

**Author's Note: **this story is still unedited and is essentially a rough draft. if you notice spelling and grammar errors, tell me what they are and i will fix them. oh, and **Warning:** lots of foul language. ;D also, if anything confuses you about the chapter, i realize it's probably not very clear. any questions, just ask.

-Squeak

**Disclaimer: **Kishi's!!

--

The chime jingled as Naruto moseyed in through the door. In the window, a tacky neon sign that was on even during the day conveyed that the convenient store was open. The door rang again, only slightly, as Sasuke stepped in warily after him.

It was your average 7-11-esque place. The linoleum floor was only slightly polished, the shine dull and harsh under the florescent lights that hung from the dilapidated ceiling. There were six or seven isles, and a few clear door along the back wall the contained refrigerated beverages. There was candy beneath the check-out counter. All that was perfectly normal.

It was the creature behind the desk that was the most out of place. The man had a head of blindingly white hair that was piled on top of a strong head with an old face. He had a heavy-set jaw and a large nose accompanied by a strange blemish. The man was enormous, at least six feet tall, garbed in a red t-shirt and a pair of shorts. His legs were extremely muscular, reminiscent of tree trunks. His feet were bare and propped up on the counter, sharp eyes focused on a porno mag.

"Oi, pervert!"

Naruto's rude comment almost knocked the wind out of Sasuke, who had never felt so ridiculously small in the presence of someone else. Then again, he'd never been in the presence of this 'pervert' before.

The man stood, setting down his magazine. Just as Sasuke thought that Naruto's head was about to be crushed-

"Yo, Naruto!"

A sigh of relief escaped Sasuke's lips.

"Eh, who's that runt?"

Sasuke turned red and furrowed his brow.

"Ne, ne, Sasuke-teme, come here!"

Feeling slightly miffed, Sasuke let Naruto drag him to the front of the store and position him directly in front of this beast of a man.

_I am NOT a runt._

"Jiraiya-sama, this is Sasuke, my BOYfriend."

_I am NOT your BOYFRIEND._

"Oh, so you've finally found someone special then, kid."

_Damn right he did._

"Believe it! Right, Sasuke-teme?"

Sasuke turned his head and didn't say anything, but the color rising to his cheeks from embarrassment was something that couldn't be hidden from Jiraiya, or Naruto's watchful eye.

"Damn, he's so fucking cute, right Jiraya? Just look at him!"

"Dobe, shut up." Sasuke was gritting his teeth, now.

"Oh, he's a pissy little brat, isn't he?"

_What!?_ Sasuke's face dropped and he simply stared at the giant moron in front of him. _Pissy little brat!? I am not!_

"Oh, I'm just playing with you Sasuke. It's nice to meet ya." Jiraiya offered his large hand to shake, and Sasuke warily took it, all the while staring at Naruto out of the corner of his eye. The blond had a stupid smile on his face, nodding happily as his two best friends were getting acquainted.

_The things I do for you._

"So, what'll it be today, eh, kid?"

Naruto had stopped smiling and was fumbling with a pack of gum.

"I actually...well...I didn't want anything today."

"Hmm?"

"I came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye? Well, where the hell do you think you're going?"

"...somewhere nicer."

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes and cast a ferocious glare in Sasuke's direction, who was scowling in such an irritable manner that his posture mimicked that of a threatened cat. Sasuke wasn't surprised that Jiraiya was so protective of Naruto. It had always been that way with anyone. Once a human being was touched by Naruto, they didn't want to let go. Sasuke guessed that was why he felt the way he did. Naruto had the ability to make people fall in love with him, and Uchiha Sasuke, no matter what the name entailed, was no exception.

Jiraiya's angry eyes softened when he tilted his head down to look at the blonde. The concern almost visibly erased itself when he saw Naruto's face. What had once been the eyes of an angry, depressed little boy had become something completely foreign. The loneliness that had always resided within those eyes, mingling with a deep-seated hatred for most people, had been completely washed away. Naruto had always gleamed with some diminished form of radiance, no matter how much his pride had been deflated or his smile was lacking, and that happy glow had flourished into something beautiful.

Naruto was happy.

The prospect confused Jiraiya so much that he sat back down in his seat from sheer bewilderment.

That pompous, dark, malignant /asshole/ could make Naruto smile?

Jiraiya studied Sasuke with a well-trained eye. The kid was good-looking, he had to give him that, and even though Jiraiya was tit-obsessed he wasn't afraid to admit it. Sasuke's smug expression seemed to tie the whole, "rich-fucking-bastard" look together well. Jiraiya had seen enough people to know that Sasuke was cunning. One sharp glance out of those black eyes and you could tell he was calculating the number of ways this scenario could go and which version would benefit him the most.

In fact, to Jiraiya, his face looked extremely familiar.

"Uchiha?"

Sasuke pricked at the sound of his last name.

"Ne, Ne! Jiraiya, how do you know Sasuke's last name?!"

Sasuke was immediately distracted by Naruto's incessant questions, which continued to blare as he was eyeing Jiraiya and Jiraiya eyeing him, both wondering who was who and how they knew each other.

"Sasuke! What's going on? SASUKE. Eeeeehhhhhh!?"

Jiraiya's face was so serious that Naruto's voice quieted solely from the cold feeling that surrounded them.

"I take it you're his brother, then?"

Sasuke found himself clenching his teeth.

"I don't have a brother."

"There were rumors of a new head of /that/ organization. Is Itachi waiting for you?"

Sasuke had grown pale. His brother's name disgusted him, the sound of it, the taste of it, coppery and dry like stale blood. This name was the reason his family was dead.

Naruto was familiar with this part of the story. Where they had both used to live, a large business-oriented town called Konoha that was located only half an hour from Naruto's current abode, Sasuke was a legend. Uchiha Itachi, his brother, was equally as prodigal and good-looking, and surpassed Sasuke in strength and skill, as older brothers often do. But Itachi started to go downhill. When Sasuke was hardly through elementary school, his brother got involved in nasty business in order to surpass their father and take over their multi-million dollar corporation. The next thing little Sasuke knew was that his parents were dead and his brother was gone. He had been left completely and utterly alone.

Naruto, getting nervous and uncomfortable at the blood-thirsty way the other two were staring at each other, interjected.

"Pervert, stop it. You can't say shit like that in front of Sasuke."

"I can say whatever the hell I want..." Jiraiya snarled uncontrollably. "His company put me out of business. They put everyone out of business! This is the only store I have left that I feel entitled to! That I wasn't physically robbed of!"

"Jiraiya, you can't blame that on Sasuke-teme! Sure, he's fucking cold blooded as hell, but he's not a bad person," Naruto whimpered, trying to calm the giant of a man down.

Sasuke hadn't even moved in the face of prominent danger. His arms were crossed and his eyes were narrowed, the corners of his mouth twitching downwards in an irate frown.

"Naruto, I'd like it if you talked to me, not around me."

Naruto looked miffed as he felt a terrible pang of hurt in his chest. He hadn't meant to make this mess, and he only wanted to help.

The arguing only got worse. Jiraiya stood up and was slowly making his way around the counter, and Sasuke hadn't moved. Naruto was desperately trying to push his ero-sennin back, a safe distance from his beloved Sasuke, so he wouldn't wreck his pretty face.

"You cost me my life. I lost everything-"

"Jiraiya, please-"

"You probably deserved it."

"Sasuke, stop-"

"He's fucking worthless, Naruto, we had the right to monopolize his stupid little chain."

That was the breaking point for everyone. The tension that had built in the room had been lit on fire and was spreading like a noxious gas, burning like kerosine. There were loud bangs, shelves clattering and items falling into the aisles.

Sasuke found himself on the floor, clutching the right side of his face. Jiraiya hadn't even moved. Naruto's knuckles were covered in blood.

It was a moment before Sasuke realized it was his own, dripping steadily from his split lip. The glint of red that Sasuke had noticed in Naruto's eyes was back now, and this time he felt like he could /really/ see it, that it wasn't just a figment of his imagination anymore. Anger was manifesting itself in it's purest form inside Naruto.

"Sasuke."

Naruto breathed the named heavily through gritted teeth. He turned to face Jiraiya, feeling his body shake as rage pulsed through his veins, his face hot and flushed. In the next few moments Kyuubi-Naruto moved quickly, jumping over the counter and taking several packs of cigarettes and shoving them in his orange pockets. When Jiraiya moved to stop him, he leapt back over the counter, almost tripping over his collapsed lover, and barreling out the door.

Sasuke sat up, looking mortified and feeling nothing but guilt. He was sure Jiraiya felt the same way, judging from his expression, and the way the white-haired man moved to catch his hand and help him up.

Jiraiya handed Sasuke a roll of gauze from behind the counter and some antiseptic and worked quickly to stop the bleeding and calm the swelling. He handed Sasuke a cold drink from the fridge to hold against his wound. He worked in silence, and Sasuke didn't feel the need to say anything either. The quiet spoke more than enough for the both of them, and Jiraiya had made Sasuke's objective clear.

Find Naruto and take him away from here.


	10. Chapter 9: Of Blood and Bubble Gum

**Author's Note: **i've noticed most grammar errors in most chapters.

i'm just too sick to fix them right now.

eventually.

-Squeak

It had been four hours since Sasuke had seen or heard any sign of Naruto. At first, his path was clear. There were cigarette wrappers on the ground, and a trail of butts that lead to a trash can that had been dented and flipped over. A homeless woman was picking recycling out of the mess he had made, and Sasuke inquired if she had seen a blond idiot on a rampage, attempting to find out in which direction he'd gone. She had said she had and he had gone to the right. He had also given her a cigarette, which meant that he still had some of his wits about him, and Sasuke instantly felt relieved. The feeling was short lived, however, because Naruto had completely disappeared. Except for two or three people at his old haunt,(the dirty bar a few blocks away), no one had seen him since five. Sasuke, mildly lost and terribly upset, plopped down on the curb and placed his head in his hands.

It was nine o'clock now, the sky dark and the air humid. Sasuke felt hopeless. He was sorry. He wanted to tell Naruto he was sorry. Sasuke had never felt truly sorry in his life, and here he was, making himself miserable over something he'd never even thought twice about. He'd always loved Naruto, but he never thought leaving him alone would destroy his friend like this. He never even cared. But now, he realized, he'd been destroyed too. Forgetting Naruto had made him apathetic, completely unable to emote, and even more difficult than that was even attempting to be empathetic. Now, through Naruto, he understood what pain meant. The physical hurt that Naruto inflicted on him meant almost nothing in the wake of the confusing pain he felt in his heart.

/What if Naruto didn't love him anymore?/

He grew sick at the thought. What if that was his last shot? What if Naruto's four years of waiting, (and Sasuke's subconscious waiting), had all been for naught? What if it all meant nothing now? Sleeping in the same bed, sharing the same food, even having a cigarette with Naruto on the porch at three am after angry sex...What if he'd wasted that? He'd only spent three (or was it four) days with his old friend, and he'd already remembered how much fun it had been with him before, as much as he pretended it wasn't. And now, it was all gone. He'd ruined the happiest days of his life.

His paranoia wracked him, and his mind was going crazy thinking of various things that could have happened to Naruto. What if he was killed? Or worse...Taken advantage of. Just the thought made Sasuke's skin crawl. Someone dirty touching /his/ Naruto? Feeling him and tasting him against his will? Sasuke stood up with new purpose, filled with rage at whoever the fuck was touching his prized possession, the only thing he cared about in the world at that moment.

Sasuke was about to set off when he heard something.

"Nyaaah."

Whirling around almost instantly, he came to face a dingy alley, directly behind him, completely silent except for a small squeak that came from a lone rat.

"Nghhh."

And that familiar noise.

Now, Naruto could sleep anywhere. Any time, any day, but even this was a stretch. Sasuke sprinted down into the darkness, and behind a dumpster, enveloped in old newspapers lay a filthy, bloody creature with sticky blond hair. It seemed that some bubblicious gum had lodged itself among Naruto's golden locks. A small pile of cigarette butts had accumulated by his knees, which were pulled up against his chest in the fetal position. His head was resting on the ugly orange sweatshirt he had been wearing, and his nose was dirty. His arms were marred with three or four new cuts, in plain view, as if he couldn't even stand to hide his self-mutilation anymore. It was as if the other half of him had just become too much to handle. Sasuke wondered how he had done it. It was almost as if the skin had been scraped away...by fingernails?

Sasuke knelt down and placed a trembling hand on Naruto's forehead, wiping the sweat off his brow and smoothing back his gummy hair.

Naruto was snoring and drooling as though nothing had happened, talking in his sleep. Sasuke's heart had melted like ice in an already frozen glass. Layers of him were slowly liquifying into nothingness the closer to Naruto he got.

Naruto was the sun, melting Sasuke's frigid exterior, and he was helpless beneath him.

The sun opened his big blue eyes and stared at Sasuke for a moment as if he didn't know who he was.

"Sasuke. I had a dream about you."

Sasuke peeled the papers off of Naruto one by one and didn't say anything, but smiled meekly.

"You look pale, Sasuke. Are you sick?"

"No, dobe. Can you stand?"

Sasuke helped Naruto struggle to his feet, but to no avail. Naruto's body was like jello. Everything seemed to hurt.

Sasuke's face turned sour when he realized what he had to do.

"I'm only going to do this once. If you ever ask me again, I'll make sure to kill you personally."

Naruto simply sat there looking utterly confused and extremely sleepy. Sasuke grabbed him by the armpits and hoisted him up into the air, and Naruto positioned himself so that his knees were hooked over Sasuke's other arm. The grimy boy was surprisingly light, so Sasuke would have no trouble carrying him four blocks home. It was just the process that was slightly degrading.

But it was probably more degrading for Naruto, who had already fallen back asleep, (or passed out, Sasuke wasn't sure which), with his sweatshirt in his arms and his thumb in his mouth.


	11. Chapter 10: I Said Please Stay

**Author's Note: **

sorry i haven't updated in like, 30 years. i was having a little bit of writers block with this one. then we went on vacation, and now i'm back, so i decided to finish this chapter. i don't know if it works very well, and yes, yet again, it's unedited. please r&r this chapter at least, i don't think it's very good and want to fix it up at some point. oh, and the title and song lyric are from Cuckoo Cuckoo by Animal Collective.

-Squeak

**Warning: s&m yaoi badness.**

**Disclaimer: **Kishi's!! ;D

Naruto was sitting in a chair, completely naked except for the lone towel around his waist, the bloody cuts cleaned and face washed. The only problem was the dirty gum that resembled a large, gray clod stuck to the side of his head.

"Sasuke-teme, if you don't do it right I'm going to kill you."

He was sucking on a lollipop that Sasuke had gotten for him when he drove to the bank to get some cash. Sasuke had needed gas money, obviously, because he wasn't going to make Naruto stay here another day, and about twenty dollars for the cigarettes Naruto stole. He was going to personally pay Jiraiya back as a peace offering, although he was sure Jiraiya would simply be happy with him bringing Naruto back...But in his short time knowing the man he had already gathered him to be as unpredictable as Naruto, if not more than. Better be safe than sorry. He had also withdrawn just enough money to go out and buy some ramen and an electric razor. He was going to shave off Naruto's hair.

Sasuke had asked the pink haired teller for a lollipop, his Naruto-kun in mind.

She had given him the whole bowl, which was now perched on the corner of Naruto's bed, and as expected, the blond was stupidly enjoying his prize for Sasuke's attractiveness.

"I think I can still save the hair on top..."

"SASUKE GIMME A MOHAWK."

"What?"

"I WANT A MOHAWK GIMME ONE."

"Naruto, I've never cut hair before...How the hell do you expect me-"

"SASUKE YOU DID THIS TO ME I WANT ONE GIVE IT NOW."

Sasuke groaned at the level of difficulty Naruto was giving him, but he did look awfully cute with his orange lollipop and his "I'll be a grumpy baby if you don't" face...in the disturbing half-naked loli sort of way.

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke started to shave off around his ears, leaving about half an inch of shaggy hair behind, and attempting to make it uniform. The going got rough when he reached the gum splotch, and he had to go back and shorten everything again because he'd cut off too much. He left a two inch wide strip of hair on the top of Naruto's head, positioned as vertically as he could get it from Naruto's forehead to the nape of his neck.

All the while Naruto was sucking fearlessly on his lollipop, watching piles of his hair fall to the floor.

When Sasuke was done, he exhaled with relief, glad that the ordeal was over and it didn't look half-bad. Naruto could rock anything he wanted to, and Sasuke was pleased that he had done an okay job.

Naruto stumbled to the bathroom mirror, shaking a trail of hair off as he went.

"SASUKE I LOOK SO BADASS. DO YOU SEE THIS!? DID YOU SEE THIS!?"

"Yeah, I saw it. I did it."

There was a crash and large thump as the bowl of lollipops went cascading to the floor. Naruto had already consumed half of them, but the ones remaining spilled out onto his dirty carpet. Sasuke found himself on his back, with Naruto on top of him, nuzzling him and wriggling like a pathetic puppy. Not even a puppy, but one of those old crusty dogs that looked even more pathetic.

...No, he was too cute /not/ to be a puppy. Sasuke felt butterflies accumulate in his stomach, and turned his blushing face towards the ceiling so Naruto wouldn't see. Heat crawled from his cheeks down to his neck, which was already being ravaged by Naruto's soft mouth, the slightest hint of teeth grazing the skin.

Sasuke let a small moan escape his lips, unaccustomed to such gentle treatment from Naruto, getting hard at simply the thought that Naruto might succumb to his wishes today.

But he would have to work quickly if he wanted to tame the beast.

Sasuke buried his fingers in what hair Naruto had left and yanked his head back, exposing his warm throat before taking a long, wet lick from his collarbone to his jawline. Naruto squirmed in mild protest, but Sasuke had already positioned himself so that he was on top of the blond, watching the color rise to his whisker-marked face.

Naruto grinned wolfishly. Sasuke knew that he wouldn't ever be in complete control - Whenever they fucked Naruto was vicious. The raven had the seething, discolored marks to prove it, and it came as a surprise that Naruto, red glint in his blue, burning eyes, was letting him sit on top at all. Sasuke offered a smug little smile back, but it faded when Naruto bucked against him. Maybe Sasuke had a different side to him after all, a side that he had never tapped into, one that had always been there, hiding quietly behind those black, tunnel-like optics. He felt dizzy, but didn't stop, pulling Naruto's hair until his was sure it hurt, reveling in the pain he inflicted, the pain that wasn't his own, as much as he enjoyed it when Naruto unleashed his derisive fury against him.

Kyuubi Naruto seemed subdued, eyes watering and looking rather confused, as if Sasuke's hidden strength had warped the strong hold the fox-face had forged over the past week.

It took a moment for the shock of realization to pulse through them both...Sasuke had a Kyuubi side, too. Whereas it had taken the two of them being apart to reveal Naruto's, them together had ignited Sasuke's. Naruto pressed up against Sasuke viciously, trying to break the hold the other had found on his wrists, but Sasuke's grip was steady, like an iron vice. There was no way Naruto could get out of this.

Sasuke laid a series of calm, well-planned nips on the soft parts of Naruto's neck. They left small, red marks against the warm cream color of the blond's flushed skin, and Sasuke quietly listened haughtily to the heavy growls rising from the back of Naruto's throat.

"Sasu-"

Naruto was cut off by a rough press of a hand to his lips. His blond eyebrows, now visible because of his new hair cut, narrowed in frustration. He was getting angry, but the arousal in his tight, orange pants was undeniable proof that the kyuubi side of him had lost. He had needed Sasuke to vanquish his demons, and it was happening now.

_Little kids can't play with things that died._

Sasuke knew it was an odd lyric to have stuck in his head, but an appropriate one. It seemed to sum up the situation perfectly. The old Naruto had died along with his departure; His ignorance, cruelty, and neglect had left nothing but a ghost of the Naruto he used to know. The fierce, smiling, mildly retarded creature he'd fallen in love with when he was twelve was nothing but a rancid corpse that he continued to ravish again and again, longing for the blond boy he was determined to resurrect. The new Naruto was something foreign, ancient, societally blasphemous and confusing. He was smart now, still brash and quick to fight, but nothing like his former self. When they were together like this, Sasuke could see Naruto for what he really was, and he was starting to like it more and more. Maybe leaving him hadn't been such a bad idea. It was what Naruto had needed to mature into something Sasuke would want to keep forever.

He crudely flipped Naruto over, common courtesy done away with, and unzipped his own pants, yanking them down to about half-way down his thighs, before tugging Naruto's pants down and lifting up his shirt to reveal a bronzed, sun-worn back. He laid his cheek against Naruto's hot skin, while the free-spirited animal struggled wildly beneath him, begging to be in control, but at the same time beckoning Sasuke to dominate him.

Sasuke spat in his hand, not caring that he was about to shred Naruto's insides, shoving two intimidating fingers into Naruto's small, hardly complacent opening. The pain was excruciating, and Naruto yowled in imminent protest, but there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Sasuke wrapped one arm around Naruto's neck, stuffing three fingers into his wet, parted mouth, rubbing those same fingers up and down his length and making it slick. There was a moments pause, the silence disturbed by Naruto's sobbing and Sasuke's heavy breathing, before he plunged into the hot, waiting orifice.

Sasuke couldn't remember much. His cold, new-found demeanor prevented him from thinking about anything other than the warm, tight ring of muscle constricting his throbbing erection. He thrusted in and out maniacally, unable to slow himself or stop, listening to the threshold of unbridled screams coming from his lover's mouth. Naruto must have wailed until his lungs ran dry, and the screaming stopped.

There was no noise now, other than Sasuke's heaving grunts and the slap of skin on skin. Naruto's body was rigid, his cock no longer thick and wanting, but flaccid against his leg. His eyes were livid.

When Sasuke came, he dropped Naruto on the creaking, ever-shifting box spring mattress, and slowly pulled himself free. He felt his cum drip from his slit, and watched Naruto's convulsing entrance as the rest of his seed spilled slowly down Naruto's leg.

Sasuke could see nothing around him but the tunnels of his vision, focusing on only one thing at a time. He wiped the tears daintily from Naruto's eyes, but that hardly stopped the oncoming flood of salt water that coursed down his whiskered cheeks.

Lifting his body from the sheets, Sasuke grabbed the last pack of stolen cigarettes and tugged up his pants, wandering aimlessly out of the apartment and down the stairs to sit on the cold, wet stoop, leaving Naruto with his own pain and thoughts.


End file.
